Are you afraid of losing yourself due to the arrival of child(ren)? It’s one of the reasons why women may hesitate about their desire for children. They fear that motherhood will turn them into someone who only has eyes for their child and no longer has time for themselves (their work, hobbies, or relaxation). It’s time to share three lessons briefly. More in my book De Twijfelmoeder (only available in Dutch at the moment).
Together
You don’t make the decision (in most cases) alone – not everything has to fall on your shoulders. Your husband/wife/partner is just as much a parent. You are in this together for care and upbringing. Discuss the fear of losing yourself in motherhood with your partner. Share your feelings so that these doubts don’t come as a surprise to your partner.
Where is the limit?
Following from point 1: if you’re unsure about your role as a mother, discuss beforehand how you can handle this together. Where is the limit? Will you enlist the help of a housekeeper if you can’t handle those tasks anymore? Do you struggle with sending your child to daycare (more) or not? Perhaps hiring an au pair is an option, or maybe the grandparents are willing to help out. Or is there a neighbor girl who’d like to babysit in the evenings so you can have date night? In short, discuss everything and honestly assess what you desire for yourself, for your child, and what is financially feasible.
Choose the mother role that suits you.
You don’t have to do it the way your mother did or the way everyone around you does or seems to do. If you want to continue working full-time, you can. Yes, you’ll need more childcare. Or perhaps your partner wants to work less. In short: talk about it with each other. And look further: spot the inspiring mothers and see that it’s possible.
Photo Pexels: vrouw-in-wit-overhemd-met-blauwe-keramische-mok-6001459/ – pexels-sam-lion-6001459.jpg – My English is not very good, so I’m translating this with the help of Google Translate and ChatGPT.